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killer shrike vows this story will at least chip the Internet
Tue Jul 19, 2005 at 12:13:33 am EDT
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Mr. Epitome #44
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Mr. Epitome #44”


“The Double Crossing”



“That’s it? That’s what’s going to solve the Legion’s problem with Mr. Epitome,” Fleabot stared at the baroquely adorned instrument displayed on the Idiom’s work station

“Sure as shootin’,” Letitia assured her miniscule companion as she made some adjustments with a set of needle nose pliers.

“So it is a rifle,” Fleabot checked, “That kind of surprises me, given your, ah, attitude towards firearms.”

“You can get a lot accomplished with a big enough gun,” the Idiom took hold of the cannon’s grip and hoisted it. The balance was off, making it necessary for further tinkering. She was only going to have one chance at this, after all….

*****



Dominic Clancy strode up to the park bench where the elderly gentleman in the tweed jacket and homburg sat perusing a copy of The Daily Trombone, “You wished to speak with me, Sir Mumphrey?”

The current leader of the Lair Legion folded up "Jerkson's filthy little sweat-rag" and smiled, “Just a brief word, Dominic me lad. I know the job is keeping you busy.”

“I could say the same for you,” Epitome hesitated for a moment, and then sat. To the uninformed observer the scene resembled nothing more ominous than a pair of doughty looking executives having a quiet discussion in lieu of lunch.

But this is where everything changes.

“I have to say, when young Miss Leyton came back to us with your vows of dismantling the team, I was a bit cheesed off. Not cricket to bully old friends, what? It was up to Miss Waltz to point out you’re not the type to be so obvious.”

Dominic had no reply.

“So, I had Mr. Bookman go ahead and do a little research. The man’s quite the sleuth. For example, he found a censored report from the Indian Secret Service that believes this Rodrigo Aguillera was in fact killed in a raid in Kashmir. Seems he was working with some Muslim terrorist types there.”

“I’ve read the memo. It is inaccurate.”

“Is it now? Well, my friend in India’s Ministry of Defence must be lying then, when he says they were asked by American intelligence to cover the death up.”

Epitome met the older man’s gaze impassively, “Hm.”

“You could have saved us all great deal of grief if you’d come clean and told us the Office of Paranormal Security has a mole in Guantanamo,” Mumphrey noted with some sternness.

“Hm,” the Paragon of Power repeated himself, “I was unaware the United States was compelled to inform the Lair Legion of classified espionage operations.”

“Never said that they were. Though a heads up would have been appreciated. We are supposed to be on the same side, after all.”

“I could point out several instances when that has not been the case, sir. Actions taken by the Legion that have undermined this country’s ability to protect itself; some of which were directed by you.”

“That’s a very serious charge, Clancy, and one that misses the mark, I think. But if you’d like, when you have the time, we could discuss your concerns further.”

“No,” Epitome stood and stared down at the Legionnaire, “I’ve seen how these dialogues go. In the end you and the Legion will do whatever you think is necessary to maintain your hegemony in the field of meta-crisis response. Because then the rest of us are forced to tolerate your constant flouting of the rule of law.”

Mumphrey stood as well, and his tone became far more severe, “That assessment is such tripe it doesn’t even deserve comment. I know your time with the Legion-”

“Was very enlightening,” Epitome interrupted, “It only strengthened my resolve to make sure my country never be beholden to the whims of such a group ever again.”

“Well then, you missed the point entirely, Dominic, and I’m sorry.”

Epitome smirked, “Save your pity for those self-proclaimed super heroes who work under you. By this time next year the entire concept will be obsolete, and we can truly start dealing with the issues that confront this world.”

“I’m sure this news will come as quite a shock to young Glory. She’s quite fond of those self-proclaimed super heroes.”

There was a moment when it appeared to Mumphrey that Dominic realized he had gone too far. A flicker of concern crossed his face, and the eccentric Englishman hoped briefly that the Exemplary Man would at last take heed of the personal stakes involved. The look did not last however.

“Glory understands the situation, and will do what is best for this country,” Mr. Epitome said stiffly before walking off.

*****


Byrnewood Industrial Park was mostly deserted at night. Occasionally a security car would make the rounds, its occupant checking the parking lots of the factories or offices built along the oak lined thoroughfare. Perhaps twice a week the guard would have to chase off a group of partying teens or a cheating couple caught flagrante delicto, but for the most part it was an uneventful routine.

So routine that Ordnance new exactly how much time he had to make the buy before unwanted company would arrive.

He regretted having to purchase the stealth tech from BALD. They were a criminal organization, selling weapons to many of the worst villains on the planet, but they had the instrumentation the Maverix required to properly outfit the Ammo Plane for their rescue mission to Cuba.

Ordnance drove the Suburban into the abandoned lot. An idling van was waiting with its light’s off around the corner, well away from the road. After waiting sufficient time for a signal from his lookout and getting none, Ray Hartmann pulled up next to the van.

“Ready?” he looked to Poise in the passenger seat. She held up the briefcase and smiled in mute testimony to her gameness.

The two Maverix exited their vehicle, and were immediately joined by the two men from the van.

“Whoah. You’re quite a climb, ain’t ya?” one asked the nearly seven foot tall Poise.

“Flirt on your own time,” the other grunted before accosting Ordnance, “Bring the money to the back of the van so I can count it.”

“Where’s the tech?”

“In the back of the van.”

“Dude, the kid’s armed,” the first man pointed at the pistols holstered underneath Ray’s windbreaker.

“What the f***?! I said no guns!”

“We weren’t coming out here unarmed, “Ordnance sighed, “Look, what’s done is done. Let’s count the money and make the deal.”

The second man smiled, “Thank you, Mr. Hartmann. That’s all we needed,” Mr. Epitome moved in a blur, disarming Ordnance and tossing the guns to his fellow OPS agent John Koskivo, “You’re both under arrest for attempting to purchase restricted technology.”

“Oh, crap!” Poise assumed a combat posture.

“Bad idea, miss,” the Star Spangled Splendor shrugged off his coat and raised his own arms defensively, “This is the real world, not your Amazon Finishing School. Throw one punch and you’ll be facing an assault charge, after I cripple you.”

“Don’t, Poise,” Ray stepped up to stop the giantess mid-lunge, “It’s not worth it.”

Elemento disagreed.

“Take off, guys!” the Maverik commanded as he switched from his gaseous form to one of raw flame. He enveloped Epitome and drove him back to the van.

“Damn it,” Poise ignored the gunshots from Koskivo and grabbed the man, leaping clear of the explosion that resulted when Elemento’s infernal heat came into contact with both vehicles gas tanks.

Ordnance dove free from the blast as well, and watched as Epitome wrestled with the curtain of fire. The government agent withdrew a canister and twisted it open, releasing a cloud of Freon over himself and Elemento. The sudden change in temperature doused the Maverik’s flame, forcing him to adopt his default form. Mr. Epitome, his skin blue and cracking, subdued his foe with a strike to the temple.

“Bastard!” Poise charged at the Exemplary Man. Epitome caught her outstretched arm and twisted at the wrist. Then he drove his elbow into Poise’s sternum. As she stumbled off balance, Epitome struck again with an uppercut powerful enough to send the Amazon careening back into the nearby string cheese factory.

“Tell her to stand down, Ordnance. Show me you have some leadership abilities,” Mr. Epitome growled as he stomped towards where Poise landed.

Ray Hartmann decided to take him up on his offer.

*****


“Laurie, this is Jacinth. I’m sorry about the time,” the woman looked up to where three of her teammates were being ushered into an Office of Paranormal Security Transport Van before talking again into her cell phone, “But it looks like we need a lawyer.”

*****



Epitome was reviewing his report of the earlier conflict when the Idiom materialized in his office at the Paradopolis branch of the Office of Paranormal Security.

“That’s a new trick,” he noted as he looked up from his laptop.

“Long range teleportation by traversing across a higher dimension is hardly new,” she smiled, “How have you been, E?”

“Coming here was a mistake. I’m going to have to arrest you now.”

“I’ve downloaded a virus into the OPS security system. Nobody will know I’m even here unless you want to make a federal case out of it,” the woman took a seat opposite Epitome’s desk.

The Paragon of Power shook his head, “Trespassing on government property is a federal crime, and you are a fugitive.”

“So we’re going to fight, is that it? We’ll do a few million dollars of property damage, I’ll teleport away, and you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing- what, that you tried to uphold the law?” Letitia also nodded in the negative, “That’s not very smart.”

Dominic still looked upset, but his body posture relaxed, “I don’t want to fight. Or argue.”

“Let’s just talk then. We can talk without arguing.”

“I’m not sure about that.”

“Well, that sounds like a personal problem, then. Because I’m absolutely accommodating when discussing what’s important.”

“The last conversation I had with an ex-girlfriend did not go so well,” Dominic admitted with a rueful smile.

The Idiom was surprised he was willing to even reference such a private matter, “Ex-girlfriend, eh?”

“Perhaps girlfriend is too strong a term. At the very least, it’s another woman I’ve managed to disappoint.”

“Oh. Problems in the boudoir, again?”

“Hanging out with that juvenile delinquent Hopkins has atrophied your wit,” Epitome chided with a slight grin, “No, it was a matter of my duty and her desire coming into conflict,” his smile vanished, “It would have been easy to give Hallie what she needed, to play the hero-“

“You never had to play the hero until recently, E: you were one,” the Idiom countered as she stood.

“I don’t see choosing personal gain over service towards a greater good as being especially heroic.”

“Maybe if I knew the particulars I could argue against your analysis of the situation, but it seems unlikely to me Hallie would ask you to do something that would so betray your mission,” Letitia walked to the window and looked down to the bright lights of the Paradopolis nightscape.

“I thought we weren’t going to argue,” Epitome joined her by the glass before adding solemnly; “She tried to do exactly that.”

“Well, then, maybe your mission has gotten so warped that you need to step back and reassess what you’re doing. If you are constantly disappointing the people you care about and who care about you that should clue you in that something’s not kosher,” the Idiom took a step back and considered the man, “Think back to when you started in the Costume Biz. Do you think your rookie self would even recognize you or your precious agenda?”

Dominic shrugged, “Who cares? Wondering about what might have been is pointless and counterproductive.”

The Idiom pulled the M/ELTSER rifle from Null Space and shot Epitome with it.

“Let’s test that theory,” Letitia Gahagan said as he collapsed.



Next: What is Homo Maximus? Why does Guy Torbellino want to destroy the city of Corpus Christi (and for that matter, Who is Guy Torbellino)? When will the Conspiracy finally count down? Where is Glory during all of this? These questions; partially answered, and we’ll probably take a look at How Mr. Epitome is doing, too. “The Way We (Never) Were,” out soon.

Footnotes:

Timeline: I’m going to assume this all happens after Visionary’s “Heart of Darkness” story and HH’s latest arc on Untold Tales, however long that is (long, hopefully).



The Maverix: are, as CSFB! pointed out, parodies of DC’s Outsiders. The latest (third?) incarnation has a roster of both old and new heroes, some of which I stole for my story. I don’t have any real plans for them after this, so if somebody thinks they could use them you’re more than welcome to do so. Here’s what I have on the group:

Ordnance: Real Name: Ray Hartmann. Twenty something male, blonde, athletic, former sidekick to “legendary vigilante” The Shadowy Gunman, when he went by the alias of Quickdraw or Quicky. Now the only heir to the Gunman’s estate. Wears a grey bodysuit with white trim. Domino mask. Twin .45 automatic pistols in shoulder holsters. Guns have a wide variety of payloads, most of which are non-lethal.

Poise: Real Name: Unknown. Twenty something woman. Asian in appearance. Claims to have been expelled from Amazon School. Incredibly strong and fast, with a high resistance to injury. Wears hair short and spiky (dyed orange). Wears a black crop top muscle shirt and Capri pants.

Jacinth: Real Name: Jacinth. Twenty something female with purple, bluish skin and medium length violet hair. The last daughter of the Gem Dynasty of Wizards, her powers include the ability to manipulate a purple energy for a variety of effects, including flight and force field projection. Costume is a white a green bodysuit.

Resound: Real Name: Kimmy Lassiter. Twenty something African American female. Long dark hair with blonde highlights worn in corn rows. Can alter her density from an intangible state to diamond hard levels and a mass of over 90 tons. At maximum density she has super strength and invulnerability, and her punches strike with a thunderous noise. Received this abilities from irradiated diet pills. Costume is a blue skintight catsuit with a red jacket worn over it. Matching gloves and boots.

Elemento: Real Name: Elemento. Tall, powerfully built bald man. Skin is a patchwork of browns, blues, whites, and reds. Can adapt physical properties of earth, air, fire, or water. Origin is unknown, though he may be some form of golem or homunculus of a more powerful elemental being.


That juvenile delinquent Hopkins: is, in fact, Mark Hopkins, aka spiffy. The former omni-mayor and current President of Badripoor has run afoul of Mr. Epitome in the past, though the Ferned Wonder was willing to accept the Idiom’s technical help in running the Pacific Rim island nation.


Modification/Erasure of Long Term Stored Engrams Ray: first showed up in Alcheman #17. It has the power to erase a target’s memory, the amount being determined by what setting the weapon is on. It may have other side effects as well, given the Idiom’s tinkering.

The M/ELTSER is a riff on the name of the man who wrote DC’s mini series “Identity Crisis:” Brad Meltzer. In the story it was revealed that the Silver Age Justice League would wipe the minds of various people when it suited their purpose, including fellow Leaguer Batman!




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